100 Happy Days #86: Easter

Easter harboured little meaning for me while I was growing up. As a child, I mostly knew it as a public holiday that comes around every April; and bunnies; and colored eggs.

Despite attending a Methodist and a Catholic school during my formative years, the concept of God and Jesus Christ did not sink any deep roots in me. I was like the seed that fell on hard ground; following the wind as it carried and tossed me as it pleased.

There were many exciting sights along the way as the wind took me on its path. Bright lights, warm pastures, mountain peaks. Yet always there was the feeling of something missing. A vague sense of emptiness in my heart even during happy moments; a dull ache somewhere inside that I could never really place. But I continued to let the winds of this world carry me, seeing what it wanted me to see, seeking what it wanted me to seek.

Yet, deep inside, I longed to understand the world and the meaning of my life. I knew it had to be more than exams, more than making money, more than fighting for promotions. More than procreation and the survival of our species. Or perhaps I just wished that there was more to life than mere existence? Perhaps religion is just a human construct to distract our overdeveloped brains from the futility of our lives? In the end, no one knows, or maybe everyone knows.

Slowly, over the years, I began to feel something stir within that little space inside my soul. From a nagging restlessness it grew to a soft whisper, then a voice, then a strong, insistent call that was no longer possible to ignore, or hide from. And then I found God.

I found darkness, but also light. I found my own sin, but also goodness. I found sorrow, but also joy. I found death, but also life. And I found a love so deep and powerful it brought us into existence from nothing, and then saved us from ourselves.

Or perhaps it found me.

This Easter, we celebrate a love that is greater than anything in this world. We celebrate a death that gave birth to life. The ultimate sacrifice and the ultimate victory.

And this Easter, I let a part of me die a gentle, quiet death, so that I can finally live, and love, again.

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